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Trusting yourself in dating and in life

February 2, 2017

 

 

It’s come to my attention in recent months through conversation, that something holding many beautiful women back from venturing into the dating world is a perceived lack of trust… in men. What has been more fascinating however, and transformative for each of these women to realise, is that the very thing they use as an excuse (as it turns out) not to trust another, IS EXACTLY the thing they can TRUST IN!

Let me explain…

We think of trust as something one has for another. In my view lets say, in any given situation, I might say you are a trustworthy person, OR, you are not! The trust in this case appears to rest with the other party, the one in whom we are seemingly placing our trust. In other words, is that person going to live up to our expectation of behaviour and intent? And do we just hope, sometimes in vain, that another will ‘do the right thing’ by us?

Is this what we consider trust to be?

What we don’t realise is that having trust is not about the other person but rather, it is ENTIRELY dependent on us.

By that I don’t mean that we can magically determine what another might do (if only!), but that another’s predilection for ill-intentions, actions or any sort of expression that belies our expectation of what ‘trustworthy’ is… IS ACTUALLY NOT WHERE TRUST LIES.

You see the other thing I see and hear from these lovely women who speak of not trusting men enough to venture into the dating world, is that they have what I would call a very good radar for sensing something is amiss… not just in a man, but in anybody. They are sensitive, as we all are underneath, despite how much we may have hardened ourselves on the surface in response to life’s frequent harshness, hence not always registering that sensitivity.

Furthermore if we look more closely at what EXACTLY we are wanting to trust in another, I would say it is essentially that we will be loved, adored, cherished and held with the level of respect we know deep down we are worth.

In other words we are wanting to place our trust in another NOT hurting us in some way by behaving in a less-than-loving manner towards us… ESPECIALLY if we are going to put ourselves on the line and open up to the possibility of love!  

 

That means to me that we have some sort of internal radar that knows what it is to be truly loved and what it is to not be, regardless of outer appearance, box ticking or seemingly good intentions. An internal radar or compass that senses when something is amiss, or is not in line with us, or when ill-intentions are at play.

If everything is energy then it makes sense that we can feel all these things, regardless of any words or actions that may appear to the contrary.

And THAT as far as I can see, is exactly what we CAN trust in – the internal compass that not only knows when something is not right for us, but also knows exactly what is love, and what is not. We can feel when another is not on the same page as we are, or when words are empty, in fact we can feel if another is even up for true love.  We can feel when someone is not right, or when our bodies say no.

It is not the other person we need to find trust in, it is in OURSELVES, to CONNECT, FEEL and then HONOUR what it is that we feel. 

 

For us to navigate the dating world, let alone life in general, having a relationship and connection with this internal compass and learning to rely on it as gospel, is KEY in my book. Knowing and getting to trust through experience, that these deeper feelings will never let you down is what TRUST is all about.

We must become accustomed to listening to our own deeper feelings of ‘yes’ or ‘no’, un-swayed by others opinions, ideals we might hold that colour what we then feel, our own unrequited needs for intimacy or attention, that crippling self-doubt, rationalising what we feel away or any other outer influence that would see us override the internal compass.

And listening to this internal compass and honouring what we really feel, is what creates the confidence a woman has to trust herself with men and in relationship, in fact the ability to navigate with surety through every aspect of life. Never is this trust something that lies with another nor outside of ourselves in any instance. 

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